Zora the Warrior Princess is Fittingly Crowned


The zesty powers of Thurisaz, the rune that oversees Zora's reading, were underestimated on our part. We should have known better. One should never discount the rune best represented by the hammer of Thor. Relationship dwellers perk up your ears. Revisiting Zora's rune cast will surely provide insights into the mystery of intimate attraction and potent rebuff.

In an otherwise tumultuous relationship cast, Zora's contains two key runes: Thurisaz and Eihwaz. What's important is the combination of these runes and the position each frequents. As we mentioned in her initial analysis, Zora exudes a brilliant shine of protection. This protection stems from the aforementioned Thurisaz. What we failed to realize before, is the complete shielding effect this rune summons. After all, even the daftest Norse giants avoided scuffling with Thor and his mighty hammer.

With this insight in mind, let's review Eihwaz, the rune that sits in the Future position. In ancient times, Eihwaz was carved on the swords of hunters and warriors. The powers of this rune grant access to unfettered purpose, wisdom and precision timing -- just what a warrior needs in the fray of battle. These same powers translate beautifully to a different kind of tussle; omitting a third party from a relationship destined for two. With Thurisaz and Eihwaz on the side of Zora, we should have done our homework. Zora the Warrior Princess is a force to be reckoned with.

Melissa's Strange Reappearance

With much fodder concerning the climactic twist, Melissa's reappearance was undoubtedly suspicious. In fact, even after Evan sent Melissa home, we continued to keep her reading online. Did our dialog flubbing beauty re-emerge simply to share one last smoke with Sarah? Since it's our business to make forecasts, we thought, "What if Fox reveals to us that Melissa truly is Evan's sister?" This thought at least might have satisfied the much-awaited twist Fox promised.

A Fairy Tale -- Without a Doubt or a Twist

Did Fox ever veer from the promise of delivering a fairytale to our doorsteps? After many commercials and much chatter from our dear butler, we conclude that no, Fox never veered. A quick trip to the past reveals much about the show's true agenda. Recall, for instance, the opening episode of evil stepsister Heidi hording several prized dresses. While Zora didn't don a magically spun dress at the ball -- nor did she leave behind a shiny slipper -- she was portrayed as the leading underdog.

Ensuing episodes paint Evan and Zora's time together much like a Disney movie. We should have immediately recognized the storybook nature of this portrayal. Perhaps Fox was attempting to appeal to our, "it's too obvious to be true" senses. We must additionally revisit Zora's time in the tub with Evan. Surrounded by evil stepsisters boasting spectacular bust lines, Zora the Warrior Princess took an emotional beating. Each viewer shared her woe and sympathized with the feeling of being metaphorically bruised.

It appears Fox added a dash of Cinderella and a pinch of the Ugly Duckling to the magical pot that cooked up Joe Millionaire. This much, we gladly accept. Yet, the climax we hoped for instead felt like a con orchestrated by mythical Loki -- the Norse god who often echoed the last laugh.

Posted 2.18.03


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