Joe Millionaire - Episode 4: Mojo Go-Goes Bye-Bye

by Brian James -- 01/29/2003

Originally posted at www.realitynewsonline.com

Evan has individual dates around the chateau with each of the four remaining women. We find out that Melissa can't cook, Zora belongs in a Disney movie, Mojo is a fighter - not a poet, and Sarah can slurp with the best of them. But Evan isn't too clued in on which of them is serious and which is just after the money.


Hi! I'm Brian James. I'll be filling in for C. Brian Devinney this week due to the unfortunate fall he took while rescuing a bunch of stranded orphans and recalcitrant Tibetan yaks from the pinnacle of Mount Everest. Or he had a VCR snafu. One of the two. In any event, I'll be offering less fashion commentary and more random pop culture references but hopefully the change won't be too jarring.

In his usual faux-Masterpiece Theatre fashion, Paul the butler welcomes us back warmly and tells us our merry band of players is returning back to the chateau to see just who will enjoy the simple pleasure of Evan's company, or, as he says Evan puts it, "hanging out." Oh, those wacky kids with their hepcat slang.

First up is Sarah, who gets to enjoy the simple pleasure of bike riding! Evan thinks they'll have a lot of fun! He suggests they ride on the bike together like Laverne and Shirley. "Not without forking over a considerable sum of that fifty mil, there, bub," Sarah thinks, then smiles, "You get in the back!" But that wacky card Evan was just kidding, so they enjoy a simply pleasurable ride on separate bikes. Sarah tells us she's enjoying the undivided attention, which I think is like Cue Card #73 for the individual date confessionals on these types of shows. They arrive at a farmhouse, where Sarah gets the simply pleasurable task of harvesting and plowing the entire field. OK, so they just do some wine tasting in the kitchen. Quite a lot of wine tasting. Which is not aided by their host only speaking French. Soon, they're plastered. Evan notes that he thought Sarah was a goody-goody but after a few drinks he's beginning to see she has a wild streak! Or maybe she's just blitzed. One of the two.

"Two words - reckless abandonment," declares Sarah. Well, at least she has a better grasp on word count than Paula Abdul. Showing some reckless abandonment in presumptions, she tells us she pretty much knew she was going to make it until the end, so now's the time to grill him about his plans for the money! "Uh... I don't know," says our resident sage uncomfortably in response. He notes Sarah seems really interested in the money and decides to dodge the subject by kissing her. So they kiss. And kiss. And kiss. But not as long as the producers would have us think, unless Sarah's an animatronic dummy who puts her hands in EXACTLY THE SAME PLACE ON EVAN'S CHEEK AND SHOULDER every time.

"She was definitely ready... the heat was on," notes Evan, mapping out the first draft of his subsequent letter to Penthouse Forum. They get back to the chateau and decide to continue their date. As Tiffany transmogrifies from a shrub to serenade them with "I Think We're Alone Now," those wacky kids go running just as fast as they can, holding onto one another's hand, trying to get away into the night to ditch the camera crew. Yeah. THAT'LL happen. When they reach a place deep in the woods out of the camera's sight range, they tumble to the ground and then they spontaneously recite original declarations of love in iambic pentameter to one another. Being that I can't possibly top such intellectual yet romantic poetry, I'll just quote the subtitles verbatim for your benefit:

"Ahhh. Mwah. Uhhh. Mwah. Ha ha ha ha. Think it'll go better laying down? Ahhh! Shhh! Ahhh. Shhh. (Slurp.) Shhh. (Slurp.) Umh. (Slurp.) Mmmmmm. (Gulp.) Ahhhh. (Slurp.) (Smack.) Umh. (Smack.) Umh. (Smack.) Huh huh ha he. Scandal!"

(This is right about the point on Three's Company where Janet would burst into the kitchen barking, "Jack!," only to discover that he and Chrissy were feeding a stray puppy or something.)

Evan notes that everything "kicked into a different gear and started to become a little more intimate." So THAT'S what the kids are calling it nowadays. Meanwhile, back in the chateau, Mojo and Zora play chess and discuss the Treaty of Ghent. OK, so maybe not that last part. But they did play chess.

Sarah notes it was definitely more exercise than she had planned. I'll bet. She tells us she was nervous at first about the date but wound up feeling really comfortable. Evan and Sarah agree they had a great time as they part til morrow. Then Sarah sneaks out front with Melissa for a smoke break. Melissa demands to know if they kissed, but Sarah will only cop to a brief goodnight peck. Oh wait - and at the wine tasting too; she nearly forgot! "So you've done everything you said you wouldn't do on TV. Disrespectful," snits Melissa. Now wait. Sarah never promised she wouldn't "huh huh ha hee" or "mwah." Let's not get too hasty here. Melissa tells us that she doesn't want to stand in the way if one of these other girls truly loves Evan, but if she said she didn't want to be one of the last ones standing she'd be blatantly lying. Kind of like she does later on in the episode. But let's not get too far ahead of ourselves.

Melissa and Mojo gossip about Sarah coming back drunk. Mojo says she thought, "What a way to make an impression," but that obviously it didn't matter to Evan. No, Mojo, I think it's safe to say Evan was definitely enjoying it. Especially considering he was probably equally ripped.

While Melissa primps and primps and carefully plans her outfit and says, "I'm going to have yer baby" in a horrendous attempt at a Southern dialect, Evan tells us Melissa is going to get to enjoy the simple pleasure of making dinner with him in the kitchen! In fact, he's just throwing on a pair of flip flops, sweats, and a T-shirt. Except that he's wearing jeans. Whatever. He's really excited! Melissa is less so. "Where are we going?" she asks when she sees his attire, eyeing him like he's about to ask her for a quarter or a smoke. She's less than thrilled to hear they're headed for the kitchen. She snits to us that she DOES NOT cook! Evan notes that Melissa doesn't seem too "domesticated," and as much as I felt like swatting her with a rolled-up newspaper at points in this episode, she's not a dog or cat. I believe "domestic" is the word he was looking for.

He tells us that since he can't afford fancy dinners every night, he'd like to find someone who knows her way around a kitchen. Except that he seems to know his way around a kitchen just fine, so it wouldn't really seem like it would be that big of an issue - oh, wait. There I go again trying to apply logic to this show. I'll just swat myself with that rolled-up newspaper. There. That's better. Maybe Evan just has a June Cleaver fetish and his wife's going to wind up vacuuming the house in high heels and the pearls from the first ceremony. And a hat if it's Mojo. Mojo is kind of like the fashion equivalent of that woman in the Wal-Mart commercials who thinks the key to home decorating is a "fun little wallpaper border."

In any event, Melissa wouldn't know a kitchen from the ice plains of Io. Told to find garlic, she has no idea what it looks like. She triumphantly announces she's found some, but it turns out it was an onion. Which isn't as far off as if she'd picked up a pomegranate, but still. Rummaging through the refrigerator, she suggests they could cook mushrooms, then is left sputtering "I don't kn--" when Evan suggests she do so. "We're cooking! We're really cooking!" she passive-aggressively smiles through clenched teeth. She tells us she thought it was all going to be a joke and then they'd have a real dinner. No such luck. Besides, not that I know all that many fifty-millionaires myself, but I would imagine it's conceivable that some of them might enjoy cooking as a hobby and might enjoy getting into the kitchen themselves once in a while. In any event, even though my own culinary skills are barely above Melissa's, I would think that if I had a date who was really enthusiastic about making dinner together I might try to get a little more into it.

She halfheartedly chops some peppers for the salad and declares this is the most stressful cooking she's ever done! Oh, get off the cross, honey; we need the wood. They sit down at the dining room table and I'll give her this much - Evan's pasta-and-meat combo doesn't look like the most appetizing thing on the planet. "Like dog sh*t," she helpfully giggles to us. He notes the pasta's rather "compact" as it all comes up in a huge lump on his fork. Maybe he does need some help in the kitchen after all. But Lord knows he's not going to get any from Melissa, who declares that she doesn't clean, either! OK - I'm a little lost. She doesn't cook. She doesn't clean. Does she still live at home, does she have maid service, or does she stick her roommates with the chores? Because this isn't a "woman's place" issue - this is just basic young single survival for any gender. Evan tells us Melissa's really fun, but he's starting to think she needs a lot of pampering. YA THINK?!

Evan asks what she would like to do if she inherited fifty million dollars. She tells him she'd like to go to Third World countries and bathe children and give them shots. OK, was I the only one having flashbacks of that part of Heathers where they're taking the lunchtime poll and that girl says if the world was ending she'd give her money "all to the homeless - EVERY CENT!"? Because I SO was screaming "you're beautiful!" at the screen at this point. "But that's me," sighs our tireless, benevolent Mother Melissa. "I'm a mercenary kind of person, you know?"

From my trusty pocket Random House Dictionary:

mercenary, adj., n., pl.-naries. --adj. 1. working or acting solely for money or other material reward. --n. 2. a professional soldier serving in a foreign army solely for pay. --Syn. 1. avaricious, grasping.

Yeah, Melissa. We know. We know.

This Freudian slip sails right over Evan's head, but he does note to us that he wonders if she was being genuine or just telling him what she thought he wanted to hear. I'll pick door number two. Melissa asks him if he doesn't think it would get boring being waited on hand and foot. Because, you know, she's so self-sufficient and quick to run to help and all. Evan just notes she hasn't eaten much of her dinner. She asks him if he's mad at her because she can't cook; he tells her that's why they invented restaurants. Which he told us earlier he can't afford. At this point I throw up my hands and suggest renaming the show Liar's Club.

They bid adieu and Melissa confesses to us that she had fun but she has no idea what Evan thinks of her after the cooking thing! Every time she's with him she's doing something out of her element and she doesn't want him to think she's a big baby complainer! I could channel Baby Jane Hudson here and scream, "But you ARE, Melissa! You ARE a big baby complainer!" But that would be far too obvious.

Melissa snits to Sarah that her boyfriends have always cooked for her, she ruined her manicure, she was TRAUMATIZED, blah blah world's smallest violin playing just for her. When Sarah hears they didn't even kiss, she tells Melissa she has no game. Melissa snits about "Prince Evan" until Sarah cuts her off to remind her he's the one giving out the jewels. "Good point," concedes Melissa.

Evan decides to take Zora for a walk before their date to see how she's doing, as she seemed so uncomfortable on their date in Paris. The other three girls scramble to the window to watch because, as Mojo tells us, they're always wondering what the other girls are doing on their dates. "I bet 100 euros he makes out with her!" cries Melissa. I'd bet a hundred euros Melissa will get the first "shut up" in this recap. And I'd be right. Shut up, Melissa. Evan tells Zora that even though she didn't open up on their date, he still had a good time. She's glad, but tells him she's still pretty skeptical and hasn't unpacked her suitcase once since she got here. Evan tells us he thinks she's afraid of getting her heart broken. I think that's true; I also think there's probably something else very painful in her past as well. She definitely has some trust issues.

When they get back inside the house, she tells him that she's not buying into this as much as the other girls, but concedes he hasn't given her any reason to think he's a bad guy. Evan tells her to trust him, then tells us he feels guilty every time he hangs out with Zora and hates having to reassure her all the time. He decides now would be the perfect time for them to enjoy the simple pleasures of horseback riding. This thrills Zora, who's a major animal lover and self-described "nature nut." She notes how much Evan's horse seems to like him, and Evan notes she was in seventh heaven on her horse. Observing from the window, Sarah bitches that SHE wanted to go horseback riding and Zora already went and blah blah my heart is SO bleeding for her right now. Truly.

They arrive at a gazebo in the woods for a picnic. Zora's thrilled and says she's got her "permagrin" again. Evan rather astutely notes to us that that could be the result of her surroundings putting her completely at ease; she's never told him she was smitten with him. He pops open the champagne and tells us he loves being around her because she's so good and so decent, but sometimes it's a little like being in a Disney movie.

Now comes THE FUNNIEST REALITY MOMENT OF THE YEAR, and surely a candidate for of all time. Disney music starts playing as Zora purely and benevolently beams as she feeds her horse. Birds chirp. Chimes tinkle. A pair of deer, a bunny, and a bird all seem to look on with interest. Zora and Evan laugh in slo-mo. A raccoon looks up. Another bird pops out of its hole. Zora and Evan mount their horses and ride away as bunnies and a woodchuck look on approvingly. All the while, Disney music keeps playing. HYSTERICAL. I can't do it justice.

The spell is broken when we abruptly cut to the wicked stepsisters - oops; make that Melissa and Sarah - back at the chateau, lounging in bed and screaming "Lady Marmalade" and cackling about meeting "chumps" in L.A. who will set them up for life. Mojo, rooting through her clothes, most likely in preparation for her date, asks if they've seen her dresses. "Quick! Try them all on for us! Entertain us!" they sarcastically command. Mojo, apparently oblivious to the sarcasm, tosses THAT HAT at them and says she wants to see them try it on. They look at each other and cackle madly. OK - now I know Mojo can be a pain in the ass at times and has hideous fashion sense, but this? Was bitchy. Not as bitchy as they'll be toward her later, though. Behind her back, of course.

The other girls are out when Zora and Evan arrive back at the chateau, and since the date's going so well, Evan seizes the opportunity to get "more intimate" and invites Zora to join him in the hot tub. Zora's game and they head off to change. Meanwhile, the car containing the other three girls arrives back at the chateau to melodramatic musical accompaniment - apparently they saw a movie and "got lost for about four hours." They go upstairs and see Evan half-naked. "What the hell's going on?" blurts Mojo. I don't know - me personally, if I found Evan half-naked in my apartment, I wouldn't really sit there and question it. Did I just say that out loud?

Evan tells them the hot tub's hot and they announce they'll join him. They see Zora in her room changing into her bikini; she asks if she can borrow a tank top. Mojo tells us they both seemed quite guilty and it seemed like something just happened or was ABOUT to happen. Fat chance now; the other three run off to primp and change into their bikinis. Melissa announces she has to shave her bikini line. TFS - thanks for sharing.

Zora and Evan get in the hot tub and smile at each other... from opposite ends of the tub. This is SO not going to work. Zora's very shy. She's climbing into the tub with a tank top on. I think she'd really need to be alone with Evan to even remotely start relaxing. The other three girls... aren't. In another hilarious moment, they descend on the hot tub in slo-mo to "The March of The Toreadors" and strip down to their teeny bikinis. Sarah in particular has this MICROSCOPIC black bikini top that seems to defy the laws of physics in just BARELY holding her in. Evan's loving this, of course, telling us how in three short weeks he's gone from portajohns on a construction site to being in a hot tub in France with four hot girls! So wait - does that mean he's about to take a leak in there? EW. Anyway, you know those old cartoons where a guy or wolf or whatever would see a hot girl and his jaw would drop to the floor and his eyes would bulge out of his sockets about twenty feet in front of him? Evan LITERALLY looks like that. Subtlety is SO not this guy's strong suit. "Evan shirtless - hubba hubba!" Mojo drools to us. Other than the fact that I would NEVER use the phrase "hubba hubba" IN MY LIFE, can't really argue with Mojo there. But man, Mojo is just NOT good at "come hither" looks. It's painful. Zora notes that the other girls start getting too flirtatious. Mojo and Sarah start licking their lips suggestively, Melissa swims over to kiss Evan, and soon the three of them are circling him like prey and pooching and posing suggestively. Zora starts feeling more and more uncomfortable and upset until finally she climbs out of the tub and goes to her room and goes to bed. Evan notes to us that Zora was bothered because the other girls crashed what was supposed to be their solo date, but drools that he was having such a good time he didn't want to leave! Oy. "Who's the luckiest guy in all of France?" shrieks Melissa. The one who can fit her with a muzzle?

Mojo's thrilled about her date; she never thought she'd get to enjoy the simple pleasures of fencing! Paul tells us he dropped them off with the swords and when they come back all bruised and bloodied it'll make for a good evening, no? Heh. Mojo's thrilled she gets to wear a special fencing outfit: there's a hat involved! She tells us she needs to be so attracted to a guy she just wants to jump him every time she sees him! Or start attacking him with swords, one of the two. Evan tells us Mojo's gorgeous; she sees what she wants, it's right in front of her, and she goes for it! She goes for kicking his ass at fencing, leaving him down on the ground at swordpoint. She excitedly tells Paul - and us - that she beat him. "I don't think he can handle the Mojo," she smiles to us. I can't handle people referring to themselves as "the."

Mojo has a surprise for Evan! She pulls a small box out of the closet and the dialogue literally goes like this:

Evan: Did you make this?
Mojo: Mmm-hmm!
Evan: You made it?
Mojo: Mmm-hmm! (to us) It's something that I made before I even came here...

Do you think Mojo made that gift? Because I'm still not quite sure. I think I need to hear it about fourteen more times to be perfectly clear. In any event, it's a poem and a puzzle. She tells us she put a lot of thought into it and he wasn't going to get it unless she liked him! From the quill of Mojo Dickinson:

"Butterflies of passion, excitement and fun,
Waiting patiently, I for my husband,
And you for your wife..."

Evan tells us he found the husband and wife line kind of scary. Which - on the one hand, yeah; on the other hand, it's a generically addressed poem written before she even met him, and isn't finding someone who would genuinely WANT to be his wife supposed to be the whole point of why he's doing this? I mean, it's not like she wrote, "Evan, I knew we were soulmates from the time I had a vision of you when I was four" or something.

"...Ready to take a journey, ready to look--"

"You have to listen!" she chides, as he sifts through the puzzle pieces. He halfheartedly grunts he's listening.

"...Loyal, caring, independent and true,
If the tables were turned,
Complete the puzzle for the end...
Or possibly the beginning!"

I'm thinking maybe we should hook Mojo up with Ryan from The Bachelorette. In both cases, when it comes to their poetry... let's just say it's the thought that counts.

The puzzle turns out to be a picture of Mojo ("So it's nude?" Evan asks hopefully) outdoors attempting to look sultry with the words "I CHOOSE YOU!" written across it in a huge gaudy font. Evan tells us no girl ever did anything like that for him, but he guesses it's pretty sweet. But wait! There's a POST-PUZZLE part of the poem!

"Longing deep down inside
That you are the one.
Now don't get me wrong,
I don't know you just yet,
But who is to say
If we only just met?"

OK - THAT part was a little too "It's FATE!!" for my liking. Evan evidently agrees as he pulls her into a kiss over her protests of, "But you have to read it!" Mojo says Evan's right up there with the most charming guys she's dated. Make of that what you will.

Meanwhile, wrapped in a blanket sharing a smoke, Melissa and Sarah rip on Mojo. Melissa calls her "a little slut" and says that she's not saying she's better than Mojo, but she's in a different element than Mojo is. Which is saying exactly the same thing. Melissa snots that she can deal with Evan drinking beer and going to Hooters, because she can change that! They cackle wildly. Before you start getting too high and mighty there, Ms. Poodle Tight Perm, I'll bet at least a Hooters waitress could identify garlic.

Evan and Mojo look through Mojo's family photos. Included is a check Mojo made out to herself for three years from now for one million dollars. She explains Jim Carrey did the same thing before he was famous, which I've also heard before. Evan tells her he thinks he could cash that check, then tells us the check freaked him out somewhat, but he likes that Mojo knows what she wants. Which is, honestly, how I interpreted it - more of one of those self-affirmation exercises than a blatant sign of golddigging. Still, though, if you're going on a show where the guy's trying to figure out who loves him for himself and not his money, might not be the smartest move to bring it along.

I've figured out that's kind of the key to Mojo. Yeah, she can be incredibly annoying sometimes, and she seems to have this uncanny knack for figuring out just the wrong thing to do, say, or wear - but it honestly seems like she means well. Which is more than I can say for some of her competition.

Mojo deduces that Evan's tired so they head upstairs. Mojo tells us Evan's a lot of what she's looking for and now that she knows he's a good kisser, it can only get better! The door to her room closes and kissing sounds ensue. No subtitles, though.

On judgment day, Mojo tells us how hard it is when your best friends are also your number one competitors. Zora threatens to wear sunglasses to the ceremony so people won't see her cry. Sarah tells us it's "awkward, awkward, awkward" that one of these women they've spent so much time with has to leave, then cackles to Melissa she hopes Mojo leaves because she wants to see that bitch go down! Oh look! I have a freshly made batch of "shut up." Here's some for you, Sarah, and some for you, Melissa. Meanwhile, Evan takes a walk with Paul on the grounds to use him as a sounding board.

Former Trading Spaces host Alex McLeod enters the ceremony for her weekly fifteen seconds of glory reading badly off her cue cards. "Hello everyone. Wait for response. When Evan and Paul come into the room, three of you will add a spectacular ruby necklace to your jewelry collection. Drop page. And by accepting one, you are telling Evan that you want to remain in this fairy tale. Drop page. But unfortunately, Evan must ask, dramatic emphasis, SOMEONE IN THIS ROOM to go." Hey, no problem! Take a hike, Alex! "I'll go get Evan. Leave room," she informs them. OK - in the first place, WHY IS SHE EVEN HERE? Secondly, can we just get Paige Davis to replace her here too? "Does Mojo have the MOJO TO STICK AROUND? Or will Zora RIDE AWAY WITH A NECKLACE? Find out when--"

What? At least it would be more lively!

Melissa merrily sings "Another One Bites the Dust" (No - really, she does) as Mojo tells us if she had to make a prediction, she heard Melissa had the worst date.

Evan tells us the requisite "Blah blah tossed and turned hard decision," then tells the girls that while each of the dates were unique and great, there's one where he feels they're not on the same wavelength. He hopes she'll leave with an understanding of what happened and that it's been a positive experience, not a negative one.

Paul announces Sarah. Evan tells us the date went perfectly, they really bonded, and he really likes her. Zora gets the next necklace. Evan tells us that he likes that Zora isn't pretending to be something she's not, but she's still having a hard time opening up and he wants her to be able to trust him, someone who's pretending to be something HE'S not. When he asks her, she admits she still hasn't unpacked.

The final necklace goes to... well, commercial, then Melissa, which should come as no surprise to astute viewers who noticed future footage of her in the promos. Plus, they blow the whole thing by having Evan tell Mojo he's really glad he met her before Paul even makes the announcement. As Melissa smirks her way up to get the necklace, Mojo looks disappointed, then seems to mouth "It's alright" to Zora. Evan tells us Melissa has a great sense of humor and they have fun no matter what they do, "um, and she's pretty sexy too." He tells Mojo the gift was wonderful and he really appreciates her doing that for him, then leaves. Zora's genuinely upset and Sarah lies through her teeth to Mojo that this sucks and it's a painful process. Mojo assures them she can handle it and hey, there's a million other men out there, you know? Paul comes to take her away and she's really being a good sport about the whole thing.

Mojo tells us she really thought she was going to the next round and seems genuinely perplexed that she didn't. She speculates maybe Evan likes girls who are high maintenance (shot of Melissa - BWAH!) or drama (shot of Sarah - BWAH again!). "Maybe I didn't talk enough," she laments. Oh, Mojo, I can safely say that was NOT the issue. She notes that unlike other girls, she never complained about her dates, and she thought she and Evan were clicking so she'd really like him to tell her what it was!

Evan tells us that Mojo's beautiful and has a lot of great qualities, but he never really knew what was going on inside her and he thinks if there had been a guy there who really had fifty million dollars she would have gone with him instead. Mojo tells us otherwise - she never forgets that money's just a piece of paper and there's a lot of golddiggers out there, but she isn't one of them. She has a lot of love waiting for the right man and she really liked Evan for him - actually, it sounds like she's choking up a little bit as she says this. I could be naive, but I honestly believe her. "His loss," she concludes.

Back in the chateau, Melissa stares at her ruby as though in a trance while Sarah continues clucking about how awful the elimination process is until, apparently having ascertained that Mojo has left the building, she and Melissa break into wide smirks. "I got a ruby!" crows Melissa. "Eeny meeny miny moe, one of us has got to go!" offers Sarah for her selection in the nightly poetry reading. In perhaps the night's most unintentionally hilarious moment, Evan tells us with an utterly straight face that he thinks he picked a group of girls who are into more than just money. IMMEDIATE cut to Sarah and Melissa practically whipping out jewelry-measuring apparatus. "I'm glad that it's set in white gold... that's a BIG HONKIN' RUBY!" exclaims Sarah. "Pearls, sapphires, emeralds, rubies... what could possibly be next?" Luckily for her, I have plenty of leftover "SHUT UP" to tide her over. And here's yours, Melissa. Don't want you to feel left out or anything.

Back on the faux Masterpiece Theatre set, Paul tells us he swiped Mojo's puzzle. HA! He invites us back for next week, when Evan will whisk the girls away to the French Riviera on a private jet. "Oh, I bet Heidi would have loved that," he deadpans. (Interestingly enough, the closed captioning gives "Heidi" as "Hardy." I'm giggling already at the thought of the former Big Brother 2 contestant competing for Evan's love. Hey - he can make protein shakes and PBJ so he's already got an edge on Melissa.) Until then, Paul will wait right there awaiting our return. Really. He doesn't move. They just put a little dropcloth over him at night.

Also next week: Passion on the French Riviera! Limos! Private jets! Champagne! Caviar! Zora's never even flown first class! But Evan pulls her into the pool and a passionate kiss! Mercenary Melissa tells us money matters! She's going to make this easy for Evan! Sarah definitely doesn't want to be the next one eliminated! Evan likes a girl so much it eats his brain out! Insert joke here! Evan faces a difficult decision and wears very little clothing! Your regular recapper C. Brian Devinney will be back! And HOW FUNNY IS IT that this whole thing's being brought to us by "Rocket Science Laboratories"?


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