by ELLEN GRAY
February 17, 2003
In the waning moments of Fox's bait-and-switch episode of "Joe Millionaire" last week, butler Paul Hogan confirmed long-standing rumors of a "twist" ending for the already twisted show.
Gee, what could it be?
The obvious twists, of course, are the fairy-tale ones: Either faux millionaire Evan Marriott has had millions all along, or Fox will slip him a little cash once he's gotten someone to agree to marry him without it.
But since we've had little to do, since last week's debacle, but contemplate the vast empty spaces between Evan's ears, we've compiled a few more fractured- fairy-tale endings for tonight's show:
Evan the Uncertain, still unable to sleep, decides not to decide between
Lambertville, N.J., substitute teacher Zora Andrich and mortgage broker's
assistant and bondage-flick actress Sarah Kozer. Next week, in "Joe
Millionaire: The Aftermath," all 20 of the original women reunite at the lovely
chateau, where they kill and eat him.
Evan proposes to Zora and she tells him she wouldn't marry him if he'd
inherited $100 million.
A crestfallen Evan then proposes to Sarah, who tells him that she, too, has
fallen in love with Zora.
Paul the Butler is revealed to be a $50 million lottery winner, and he
proposes to Zora.
Zora, who's revealed tonight to have $50 million of her own, offers to help
pay off Sarah's student loans so she won't have to dress like a cheerleader
anymore and be tied to chairs.
Alex McLeod, the hostess with the leastest (face time, that is), goes crazy
and takes Paul the Butler hostage for stealing all the best lines. Sarah shows
Alex a few knots.
Evan is revealed to be a Phi Beta Kappa Harvard graduate who's just been
acting dumb for his whole adult life to see if people loved him for himself and
not his brains. Zora, horrified that he's lied to her about being an idiot,
rejects his proposal.
And in the most twisted ending of all, Evan proposes to Zora, who doesn't
mind that he's both stupid and poor. And they live happily ever after.